off track

15 nov 2009 - sunday 1.39pm - avenue campus

i have been off track, basically. this is probably the most honest statement i utter in the last few weeks. now i am swamped with work, desperate because of deadlines, and feeling unproductive. this is a thesis statement of my text today, a synthesis of the whole situation.

i have made some decisions that would apparently help me keep focused in my main purpose here in uk, which is to carry out my phd research. that has been the truth, however. it all started over the summer and the situation has been going on and on and on. i need to understand it at least so that i can think of doing something about it.

for the summer i found a wonderful, rewarding, job. it was rewarding in various aspects: academically and professionally because it dealt exactly with my passion for writing and for academic life in general. so, being part of a team that was set up to help prepare international students for their academic life here was without a doubt superb, of course even helping myself in the same terms. it was also quite handy, actually, this job was a life saver, because the pay went directly to my fees here at uni.

but but but . . . the work did not stop after 10 weeks. i was very very glad i had the chance to teach the extra two weeks, but i now wonder if i did the right thing. i need to find time for my academic work here. and i have not done this lately. ros is very angry at me. i don't understand it all, as it gives me the feeling she doesn't trust me, but in a way she is right. if i had not had so much distraction from my research i would probably be in better shape concerning my plans to Brazil, for instance.