in an easter state of mind (?)

24 apr 2011

Easter Mass at St Edmund's Church, 24 apr 2011

 i went to the Easter Mass today at 11am at St Edmund's Church, my local Catholic church, which is a 7-minute walk from where i live. i have been alone for about four days now. this has made me enter into an introspective mode, sometimes it is as if i am not here. at church today it was clear to me that my mind was elsewhere. it was quite intriguing and fascinating to observe myself becoming distracted from the Father's sermon and everything else that was going on around me. i felt as if i were in a bubble, isolated from the other people from church,  and my thoughts had only room for my brother Venicio, who is in brazil.

every time i visit a historical place, an old building, an old church (any new church around?), or i see any important piece of art i think of venicio and my thinking is that he should be there in my place. i must say i appreciate art and history just as much, i really do, but am not as knowledgeable as he is regarding these things. this was the first excuse that came to my mind about my absence of mind at church, but in reality it goes beyond this obvious association. it is sunday Easter today and i feel sad for being alone and so far away from my family. venicio came to my mind only as a token for my connection with my family. he was sort of floating around in my thoughts for quite a while. parallel thoughts were of the many great easter days we've had as a family in brazil, there included spending the whole day together, eating the best food (always some cod made to an original portuguese recipe that my sister kassandra masters so well) plus the chocolate eggs and the warmth that cannot be translated into words. i am crying now. thank God i did not cry at church.

the venicio thinking was gone for a moment and i then thought i was doing good, for i had been there for a long while and still very patient and relaxed. what a strange state of mind. what happened to me? when we were to light our candles i lit mine and offered to light three other people's candles. for this i received some grateful and sweet smiles, from the three men i helped out plus two ladies. these were smiles that warmed up my heart.

i was not exactly back and forth in my 'elsewhere' mood, but i was never totally present to the church service today. towards the end of the mass the Father said everyone would go home with an Ester egg, which was to be distributed on our way out. my heart jumped and i thought to myself: 'life is fair afterall'. i felt like going home at that very moment. nobody gave me an easter egg this year, which is not bad at all, truth be told. i was at once filled with hope, anyway. my hopes did not last long. on my way out i shoke hands with the Father, who said 'Happy Easter'. he had a basket with some small easter eggs in it. i asked for mine and he said i would have to be wearing shorts to have one. he should have made it clear the eggs were meant for the kids only. i felt like saying, 'nice to meet you, my name is frustration.' it was kinda obvious that the church could not give eggs to everyone, as we were such a crowd. whatever! i decided i deserved easter eggs and bought myself one from nestle and one from guylian, the belgian chocolate.

i came home and cooked and ate, but i don't want to write about it now. the day is finished and it was nice that in the afternoon i went for a walk at the common and it helped me relax. my walks at the common are magic. after the walk i was sitting on a bench for a while. there was a funfare at the park today, together with the predictable crowd it always attracts, especially in a gorgeous spring day like today. i am now in a scarlet o'hara mood: 'tomorrow is another day'. but i am fine, much better than it may look like from the post. i called brazil and spoke with my mom, my sister kassandra and my nephew joaquim. i tried to reach venicio but his landline phone might be out of order or something. well, couldn't find my brother who occupied my thinking today at church. i feel ready for the coming week.

how was your Easter? how have you been these past days? please, tell me tell me :-)

the happy boy’s prayer

12 sept 2010

My Lord Jesus, please keep this happy boy hopping around, playing around, laughing and enjoying life to its maximum. Sometimes he is the Iron Man. He can also be in the mood for Spider Man. At times Ben Ten has his turn in Leo’s imagination. No matter the disguise, Lord, for they all come and suit the same joyful and sweet and wise boy. Please keep this child with his vivid imagination and a carefree heart, and do not forget his name is Leonardo.


Amem!

"living word"

from yesterday - 20 Oct 2009

the acude grande - Campo Maior - PI, Brazil

this is about our meeting yesterday from the group 'Living word'. It was our second meeting this school year. This time we had five more students coming along for the meeting. so nice to realize that the rain didn't sahy people away from coming to have this moment of quiet and peace.

Because it was at Catherine and Liliana's place, we took shoes off as we entered the house. This is actually very common around here and i find it cool for it helps keep the house quite clean. The house was by the way suuuper clean. So, we sat together in the lounge and started talking friendly, very nice atmosphere. i saw the people i had met the week before and also had a chance to meet new people, such as this Nigerian guy whose name insists in not sticking in my mind, this Brazilian guy who was adopted by a Maltese family and would love to visit Brazil at some point in his life and to speak Portuguese.

We are from both Solent University and the University of Southampton. Each week one university plans wht we do in our meeting. Yesterday was Solent's day. I like this a lot because it gives equal opportunity for the different uni guys to plan something they / we find interesting. We started off by singing two songs, with Liliana playing the guitar. I loved it. Liliana is in charge of the Solent Uni students whereas Catherine looks after us from the Uni of Southampton. I tried to concentrate in the words of the songs (church tunes) and to listen to the voices of the group singing together. It did feel good. The tunes were followed by a reading from the Bible - Luke 19, 1-10, about Jesus and Zachaeus. The guy who read studies performance and is an actor. He's got such a strong voice. He read the passage and made some comment about it. I honestly did not pay much attention to it. I think the opennes of having him read and make a comment might mean that in the future each one of us, or at least the ones interested in, can do the same.

Liliana then said a few words, making a connection with our talk from the previous week, which was about the reasons to pray, and then we had some quiet moment for individual prayer. this time anyone could speak up and say whom or why we should pray for. i remained quiet but my thoughts and my prayer were all devoted to a colleague of ours here at uni, who died about two days ago now. I will omit her name here because the most important thing for me now is that we reflect about death and why it happens sometimes when it should not have happened really. I thought, really did, of asking us to pray for her but held my piece because i was a bit insecure about the reception of the group on the terms of how her death happen: she committed suicide.

I remember when I was a child in Campo Maior, Northeast Brazil, one day I was told the Catholic church would not ring the church bells for the people who committed suicide. I remember not understanding it quite well, and finding it not so fair. It was a tradition at that time for the church to ring the bell to announce people's death in the city, so that everyone would know somebody died. I reproduced this practice yesterday, when i neglected my colleague of having the group have her in mind while praying. I did and i still do feel bad about it, in spite of my prayers having been devoted to her, for her to find peace.

My sweet Dorothy made a comment about suicide, saying that it is very sad when people make this choice thinking this is the only way out of any terrible situation when in fact there are various possibilities, always. I am left with my prayers.

- i picked a saying from the hand out we got yesterday:

"Prayer in my opinion is nothing else than a close sharing between friends; it means taking time frequently to be alone with Him who we know loves us." St. Teresa of Jesus

Living word - 'what's the point of prayer?'

Sunday 18 October 2009

........CATHOLIC SOCIETY
........dear all,a summary of what's on this week Cathsoc wise...

TUESDAY: 7.30pm at Chaplaincy we'll be beginning the 'Living Word' group.. an informal time of reflection and faith sharing together.. the theme for the first evening will be 'what's the point of prayer?'.

Praying for you all this week,Catherine

what you have above is the invitation from our Catholic Society here on campus. i deleted the other part of the message, as i will talk about our group meeting on Tuesdays only this time. Catherine sends us messages about what goes on every week. finally i managed to go this week to this discussion group. it was really nice. we were a total of eight people: Liliana and two other english students at Solent University (can't remember their names, but one's is Tom). Liliana coordinates for Solent University the same chaplaincy activities Catherine carries on for us here at University of Southampton. Plus Catherine, this other english guy, a girl from Sri Lanka, named Asha (suuuper talkative), and a french guy who came over a little late but still participate in the discussion. i DO want to speak english with a french accent. it is the coolest possibility ever. oh, and myself.

we read, prayed, and discussed. i really enjoyed the time for reflection and the opportunity to get to meet new people around.