domingo no parque

28 Feb 2010

I like to name my posts after songs. This is why sometimes the title of the post's language and the language of post itself don’t match; but, trust me, there is always a meaningful connection between them all.

I went for a nice walk in the Common at about 9 o’clock this morning. When I woke up it was raining, not really a heavy rain, but wet enough to make me change my mind. However, not much later it stopped raining and I decided to go. It was so good. I am little by little becoming familiar with the park. I like it when I go and I see many people over there. There are people of all – all – ages, both alone and accompanied by all sorts of company: (a) dog(s), whole family, beloved ones, little children.

Once in a while it is possible to for us people at the park to exchange warm ‘good mornings’, along with a smile. In this sense there are two categories of people: the ones who greet you and these are the ones I love; and the others who ignore you’re around. This morning something interesting happened: I entered the park at the same time as this old couple did, in a way we walked together with me being ahead of them about two minutes, but I knew all the time they were there. Well, the park has many roads that I can follow and I decided to come back half through towards the road the lead to the Cowherds. I don’t know exactly why I did this. When I turned to come back and passed by the old couple the man smiled and asked me “are you giving up?” I found it so cute. I smiled back to him and said: “well, sort of, but not exactly, just going another way”. Later on (15 minutes later) we met again at the end of the same road, but I was coming a different way.

I believe if I go often and at about the same time I will get to meet the same people sometimes and perhaps make friends. The walking has made me feel very good about myself. I walked for 45 – 50 minutes today.

Once again I need to go shopping for fruits and milk but don’t feel like it. I was thinking I needed it so bad I didn’t have food in the house to eat for lunch. Then I thought it was not possible that I had no food at all. I went to the kitchen and found still some good stuff for my lunch: a salad with stuffed zucchini, hearts of palm, olive oil, and some veggies: Chinese leek, cauli flower, and broccoli. To accompany the salad I had pasta with green pesto sauce, mushroom and a little bit of cream cheese. It was quite good and I still have some left over in the fridge for other meal.

Note: I thought I was going to speak about the walk in the park only in the post. For this reason I did not take any photo of the food. :-)

happy valentine's day

14 Feb 2010

Valentine’s day

Lola came by my room today to offer me this slice of Swiss roll as today is Valentine’s Day. Lola is my flatmate from Nigeria. She is studying a master’s degree in Health Sciences. This special day is celebrated in Brazil in a different way. There, only the ones who have a ‘significant other’ have a good reason to celebrate and enjoy the date, which is in fact on the 12th of June. Here, on the other hand, as well as in the US, it is celebrated on the 14th of February and your valentine can be not only a boyfriend or a girlfriend, but anyone who matters to you. When I lived in the US I received chocolates hearts from friends and even cards. It is sweet, and fattening 

o caminho

12 feb 2010

Nota: essa eh uma foto antiga do Junior, tio Machado, tia Nenzinha, e Eliane. Tia Nenzinha me ensinou a fazer tapecaria, como essa que esta na tela na parede.

Saudades do meu tio Machado, saudades da minha tia Nenzinha, saudades do meu primo Juca. Eu estou precisando demais escrever aqui sobre despedidas mas nao sei nem por onde começar.

Hoje ja falei com a minha querida prima e comadre Eliane algumas vezes. Eu liguei pra ela porque a Kassandra me avisou que o tio Machado faleceu hoje de tarde. O tio Machado eh pai dela, e irmao do meu pai. Fiquei conversando besteira, com rodeios, sem coragem de dar a noticia, sem coragem nenhuma, querendo que essa noticia nao existisse, mas ela ainda nem era verdade pra cumade, que ficou conversando normalmente comigo e me dizendo que ha tres dias nao tinha noticias do pai dela. Eu comecei a insistir pra ela ligar pro povo la, pras irmas dela ou pra quem quer que ela goste de ligar sempre. O sorriso leve dela sumiu de vez e fizemos um silencio que confirmou o que ela temia. E choramos ali. A gente chora e se consola mutuamente, mas sabe que doi dizer adeus a quem nos ama. Eu chorei muito dizendo que nao queria nunca ser eu a pessoa pra lhe dar a noticia que, apesar de ‘esperada’, sempre nos tira o chao.

A Morte (feminina) é maior que nosso exercito possa suportar. Quando chega, é ela quem decide se dormimos ou não, se choramos ou não. Ela determina nosso rumo, pelo menos nos momentos que se seguem à sua chegada na vida da gente.

A cumade insistiu pra eu não me preocupar nem um pouco, que na verdade ela estava feliz de ter sido comigo esse contato, e me pediu pra ligar pro pessoal no Brasil e avisar que ela ja estava sabendo de tudo. Eu liguei e falei com a Euridice, nossa Dinda. De novo chorei junto com a Dinda, e relembramos outro momento de tristeza grande recente, que foi a morte do Junior, filho do tio Machado, que morreu no dia 4 de outubro de 2009.

To achando essa escrita e esse post todo tão sem sentido, tão sem rumo, uma escrita confusa, mas tenho que tirar essas coisas de mim, porque não consigo parar de chorar.

Liguei pra Kassandra e ela me disse que estavam lá providenciando o velorio. Combinamos que ela me daria um sinal quando estivesse do lado do papai no funeral. Eu estou pensando no meu pai o tempo todo. Eu liguei pra casa dele mas o telefone so dá ocupado lá. Assim fizemos e eu finalmente falei com meu pai. Meu tio Machado tinha 80 anos. Meu pai tem 74 anos. Os dois eram muito próximos. Outro dia a Kassandra foi com a mamãe visitar o tio Machado no hospital e o moço lá disse: “seu Joaquim vem visitar ele todo dia”. Seu Joaquim é meu pai. Foi tão bom falar com o papai. Ele estava tão sereno e me consolando. Eu sou mesmo um lixo. Toda vez eu telefono pro povo pra dar um apoio e o povo é que me conforta. Ainda mais essa. Ali tambem falei com meu tio Toinho e com a prima Lourdinha. Todos eles me disseram que está tudo sob controle la e que eu fique bem. A Lourdinha me pediu pra dar apoio à Eliane.

O tio Machado tava sofrendo muito, ja há muitos dias no hospital, e numa situação muito delicada e irreversivel. O famoso ‘descanso’ eh o recurso de que dispomos nessas ocasiões pra podermos viver a despedida. A cumade me disse que tá se sentindo completamente solta, sem chão, sem céu. A mãe dela, tia Nenzinha, morreu faz um tempo já. Tia Nenzinha, Henrique (meu irmão) e Junior estão enterrados no mesmo tumulo no cemiterio em Teresina.

Me sinto tão estranha escrevendo sobre isso. Eu tinha esbocado um post quando o Junior morreu e ele tá pronto, basicamente com os emails trocados àquela época, mas ainda não tive coragem de publica-lo. Esse agora tá aqui. O blog não precisa ser apenas de flores de alegrias. Se eu falo que ele traduz minha vida, minha vida hoje é de tristeza pela despedida do meu tio.

A cumade Elaine me disse tanta coisa da alma dela, conversando serenamente ao telefone. Me falou que esse amor de pai pra filha encerrou hoje. Nunca mais ela vai ve-lo, e isso é muito ruim, e falou da perda da mãe, e da perda do Junior e falamos como ainda é dificil pra nós todos ‘digerir’ essa historia do Junior. Me contou da alegria de ver o tio Machado quando ela foi ao Brasil em outubro e de como ele ficou feliz com a presença das filhas e das conversas felizes e fotos otimas que tiraram na visita. Tudo se transforma em lembrança de um momento que nao pode ser repetido.

Pois é, parei de chorar agora. A vida exige leveza e testa nossa fé nesses momentos. Vou rezar por meu tio e tenho certeza de que ele vai fazer uma viagem serena.

abre alas pra minha folia

12 February 2010

Carnival

I just realized that these are carnival days in Brazil. I believe I try not to be connected with events which are very different from here because they show me that I am in a different world. This is, at times, slightly disturbing to me.

Another thing I just became aware of, and which always make me feel heartbreaking is that today is the 12th of February. Well, the day after tomorrow – the 14th Feb – my brother Henrique would turn 49 if he hadn’t passed away at age 28. See, too bad. Maybe I have been away from this blog because sometimes the free writing leads me to pain, not to join.

Well, let’s try and come back to carnival. I don’t remember have been a super carnival enthusiast, but it is very obvious that the beauty, the joy and the good energy that it makes us all feel in Brazil these days is contagious. I like to dance, to watch the wonderful parade in Rio, to see the carnival aficionado people who fully stop leading a serious life to devote these days to, just as seriously, let go of imagination, freedom, joy, opportunity for redemption, really. I find it so healing. Honestly, going to the streets to dance and play along with your peers dressed up in whatever disguise you think fit your mood that year can only be great.

Pernambuco, particularly Recife and Olinda have a fantastic tradition of putting an enormous number of people in the streets. These people remain there for soooo many hours, standing and dancing. Yes, it ought to be a soul cleansing and spiritual development ritual. Olinda has those giant dolls, of which I used to be very afraid. The maracatu, the frevo, and the other many peculiar traces of the local history are indeed very good to see.

in a cold state of mind

RE: Can we cancel our session?

From: Mitchell R.F.


Sent: 10 February 2010 18:00

To: Lima K.S.D.

Subject: RE: Can we cancel our session?

Poor Kalina, I am so sorry you are in such discomfort!

Let's aim to meet next week - I could do most afternoons, how about Thursday 18th at 3 p.m.?

Ros

________________________________________

From: Lima K.S.D.

Sent: 10 February 2010 16:01

To: Mitchell R.F.

Subject: Can we cancel our session?

Hi Ros,

Can we please cancel our session tomorrow? I've had a very bad cold with allergy, a running nose, headache, and can barely hear from left ear since last week. Both ears are infected. I went to the clinic yesterday and am now taking antibiotics which i hope will make me feel better. But i feel very tired and weak. Actually I don't remember any illness that has made me feel pain in my teeth. The ear infection is making me feel dizzy at times, and when I go out I keep sneezing all the time. I even have conjunctivites. I can't come, Ros. Sorry.

Thanks,

Kalina