sweet twenty-one

2 dec 2012

last night we celebrated amanda's 21st birthday. i was happy to share the joy of the date and the always good food at the cowherds. amanda is now going to college here, in a course she enjoys, found job, and started making local friends. hope she is very happy here in southampton, and anywhere else she decides to go, really. we chatted a lot, and laughed, and ate. and i had shandy. last night it was and it still is very, i mean, very cold.

jornada compartilhada

29 june 2012

nota: esse post esta tambem hoje no meu blog no portalaz.

Hoje faço uma reflexão sobre minhas últimas duas semanas. Ando cansada. Tenho tido semanas de batente pesado, trabalhando de domingo a domingo.

No sábado 16 de junho trabalhei quatro horas na minha tese. Estou escrevendo o capítulo de análise dos dados. Tudo foi planejado com cuidado e revisado, e hoje me sinto às vezes inundada com tantos dados que fica difícil ser linda e produtiva por dias a fio.

No domingo trabalhei de novo quatro horas. Fiz muita coisa, feliz com o trabalho, apesar da sensação presente de que deveria, mas nem sempre poderia, ter feito mais. Eu vivo me martirizando no entendimento entre o que consigo fazer, respeitando meu jeito de trabalhar, meu ritmo e o que de fato deve ser feito.

Na segunda-feira, dia 18, cheguei na universidade às 7.30 da manhã, e trabalhei no capítulo até três da tarde. Tive encontro com a orientadora às 4 da tarde. Disse pra ela que estava feliz, que apesar de não ter feito tudo estava sabendo bem o que deveria fazer. Saber o que fazer é importante e não é sempre assim nessa jornada. 

O encontro foi iluminador, como sempre. A orientação da pesquisa me ajuda a permanecer nos trilhos e a enxergar janelas que me tinham passado fechadas. Ros comentou que estava feliz de ver como eu estou organizando meus dados, e tambem me pediu pra fazer mais um monte de outras coisas, um monte.

Terminada a sessão, voltei pro escritório. Trabalhei mais umas duas horas e fui embora. Quando cheguei em casa me dei conta do cansaço / esgotamento que chegou em mim. Ali fiquei, jantei e vi um pouco de tv, li umas notícias e fui dormir, com o plano firme de vir no dia seguinte para o escritório. 

Na terça-feira só consegui sair da cama quase uma hora depois do despertador me acordar, sem energia. Me levantei, comi cereal, tomei chá, e entendi que o cansaço tava grande demais. Resolvi ficar em casa. Nesses dias não adianta nem abrir o arquivo do capítulo da tese, nem ler o mais interessante livro de teoria ou de metodologia ou ainda aquele artigo brilhante e inspirador. Não entra nada, parece que a cabeça não consegue estacionar num lugar por mais de cinco minutos. E em casa fiquei, dei uma geral muito breve no meu quarto, almocei, e descansei um pouco. 

Sai de casa perto de 7 da noite, para ir encontrar o pessoal para um jantar no Cowherds , um pub perto da universidade, dentro do lindo Common Park. Era um jantar de fim de ano letivo para o grupo de pesquisa de English as a Lingua Franca [ELF], que é coordenado pela Professora Doutora Jennifer Jenkins .

Estudante de PhD quando se encontra fala de cansaco, falta de tempo, rendimento pouco, agonia e preocupação com prazos, além de muitas coisas boas da vida. Esses papos acontecem sempre num pub ou tomando um chá ali no cafe da universidade, o que já proporciona uma leveza e a certeza de que não estamos sozinhas nessa jornada. Ajuda a pensar que somos normais e alivia o peso da angústia pelos dias de produtividade inexistente. Foi isso que aconteceu, no Cowherds éramos dezesseis pessoas jantando numa mesa comprida. Sentei perto do Rob [inglês], Mariko [japonesa], Khanghee e Jheon [coreanas]. 

Khanghee and Jheon disseram que passam sempre pelas mesmas coisas que eu passo. A Jheon disse que às vezes passa o dia inteiro dormindo depois de uma jornada de escrita.  

No mais, estou mudando de lar essa semana. O que seria para entornar o caldo e me deixar mais estressada veio me renovar, pelas possibilidades felizes que as mudanças sempre podem trazer. Voce não tem idéia do tanto de coisas que preciso arrumar, apesar da ajuda gigante que a Kassandra me deu na operação ‘adeus pertences do passado’. Meu coração tá apertado de saudades desse lugar onde morei por muito tempo, ansioso por amanhã, mas leve de qualquer maneira. Uma leveza dentro de mim anuncia que vai dar tudo certo. Entendi que gosto de mudanças. Eu gosto de ser feliz.

brazilian get together

15 june 2012

at the cowherds pub

last night we went to the cowherds to celebrate frances' 1st year PhD presentation. we were six, all brazilians: adriano, his wife dani, me, karla, frances, and ana, who left husband orlando looking after cutie little one hugo. it was raining when we left avenue campus. it had been raining for hours, i mean, it has been raining for days, and we have no promises of anything different from this for the weekend. frances drove us to the pub. we ate and chatted chatted chatted. i walked back home with adriano and dani, who live further down the road, in shirley. yes, rain was torrential when we left the pub. we all had our umbrellas ready for the nice rain.  am glad it is not as cold as it was yesterday, when i was actually shivering with cold in bed.
cheers to frances. cheers to our get together. it was fantastic and warmed my heart in this wet summer.

academia & pub

10 may 2011

i went to the cowherds tonight with my german students elke and bernd. it was nothing planned. it just happened that we chatted a little after class and walked together because the way to the pub is the same as my way home, and we three ended up at the pub. the pub here is where life is sorted out, where you get into and out of trouble, where you learn and teach. yes, the pub here is more or less where we live.

and it happens that we had a great talk about a variety of topics: housing, here and back home; money; loneliness; flatmates and the oddities of sharing space; and other things. we talked a lot about travelling around the uk. all in all they sort of interviewd me, asking me loads of questions about me and my life. it felt nice to see people so interested in learning about me. i promptly responded to all of their questions. we ate mediterranean food and drank shandy. i had bitter shandy. i love the cowherds because it is very comfortable, serves good food, and is located at the common, a 4-minute walk from where i live.

elke is working on her phd and came to england for six months only as a research student. before coming here she was living in berlin. her study is about the pension systems both here in uk and in germany. she joined the english class to improve her english and also to socialize. she seems to be happy with her accomplishments here so far. elke said i am a very interesting person with a very interesting life. what a nice comment to receive from somebody.

bernd is a violin maker from the germanic bavaria. he has a job in romsey and lives by himself. i keep telling him he needs to socialize more and find himself a girlfriend to keep him company. he is very young and such a nice guy to spent so much time alone. he agrees and we laugh. i love to listen to his stories about violin making. it sounds like a magic profession to me.

mother's day

3 apr 2011

it is Mother's Day here today. in brazil it is only on the second sunday of may. i called my mom anyway and said 'happy mother's day' to her. restaurants offer a special menu and some families book a table to have a happy (and expensive) meal at these restaurants. this advert if from the cowherds, one of my favorite pubs, ever, which happens to be located two-minute walk from where i live.  it was for a good while my number one; but now considering that i have been to many other pubs in town it is still quite good, but i can be happy there as well as in other places. mike and i went to a great pub the other day in shirley. oh pubs. how good am i to write about it? well well, i am entitled to my own impressions, right? i want them. but the point is that the post was supposed to be about mother's day.

diverting at the cowherds

9 mar 2011

i do love pubs and going to them with friends and chatting and eating and having a great time. yes, i do. always. however, although karla and i had a super great time at the cowherds today i am aware i should have gone somewhere else, to a place which could maybe keep me away from too much or unnecessary eating. typical example of what i do when i should be doing something else.

well well, regretting does not help. the chat with karlota was great and it was a decision we made together after the talk at uni. we deserve to treat ourselves good from time to time, right? for some food is tempting, for some a bore. for me it is most of the time irresistible.

journey into myself

9 aug 2010

Sadie Parker is back here in southampton for the summer job with the uni pre-sessional course. i am very pleased to have her around again. we became friends last summer when we shared a flat with other pre-sessional tutors in monterfiore 3. that was a time of discoveries, lots of chat around a bottle of wine and good food, and also high level of stress. i learned a lot from it and don't miss it. sadie was one of the nicest things out of the whole experience. she is a good woman, good at heart and in search of some things in life still, in a way like myself i would say.

well, we decided to walk from the avenue campus at about 3.40pm to the cowherds yesterday to catch up on our chat, and stayed there until 7.30pm. i was at first sad i didn't have my camera with me because it seems to me now that my memories and all of my posts start out from an image. while i can still question why that is the case, i can try and write anyway. i found this image in my files and thought it serves the purpose of illustrating a synthesis of our conversation today. yes, go beyond the very comfort, the familiar zone, challenge yourself, trust the unknown that will not exactly hurt you badly and this might provide you with what you want. this is the main lesson from our insightful chat. we drank cider and ate greek and middle eastern food: eastern spiced houmous, Roquito pepper aioli, Greek Kalamata olives, minted feta tzatziki and warm falafel, served with grilled flatbread. good food indeed.

autumn is in the air, the days are shorter, and another year announces itself to my soul in this land. i have been pensive about my life and of my choices. it has been made clear to me that every choice offers an inevitable, not always desided, consequence. what is the role of love, afterall? what is so risky about it?

spring in the common

30 apr 2010

i can't help but find the spring here so so beautiful. atchiiiiiim! these photos are from today in my walk through the common park, going to uni. this is the landscape i see everyday. i haven't taken the us at all lately, just enjoyed the beauty of the day, of the trees, the singing of the birds. the spring changes our life in so many ways. there are always people in the park, walking up and down, walking their dog, on a stroll with their kids, alone, exercing at the park's bench, as in the photo here. i love it. i have taken a few photos :-)

the cowherds, one of my favorite pubs, is right there in the park. they put this note warning customers who have an intention of taking a glass with them to the park. the basic policy from everywhere is that safety comes first. always. then fun is naturally granted.

cafe feliz

22 apr 2010

Dear Nene,

Super thanks a bunch for making me part of this special moment in your life. I am certain it was special for everyone who got together with you / us in any one of these days with Adriana, Marcos, and Rosinha. It made my day to meet with everyone and have the tour around uni, following the flowers way, listening to the birds, doing together what I do alone nearly every day. Really, really, it was such a great time for me to meet everyone. I already knew them and the rapport was established even before we met in person. Now it is official: I have more friends, and I add the kids – Nina, Dani, Lipe, and Matheus – to the list.

We were happy to come across the spring blossom with the colours and the beauty all the way in the Common, from one campus to the other, celebrating life. Hilra, I think I can tell you Louise was just as happy to be there with us. The aura of friendship has made us all inebriated with joy and, trust me, we did have fun. I believe Louise didn’t care one bit when we at times spoke Portuguese, which would in practical terms leave her out of the chat. I don’t really think she felt lost at any point. Well, I might be wrong, but she was in the same level of positive lightness and enjoying the great time together. And so were Hannah and little Tim. Moreover, food was good.

It was so nice for the ‘easy riders’ to finally reach here that there was no much need to dwell on the impeding bits that came on their tour through Europe (Mr. Vulcano). I was thinking that this special moment you could have chosen to pass alone with them, but no, you decided to invite me along. Such moments are only possible with special friends, people who know who we are, who follow the events of our life in their very truth. Hope you keep this priceless moment – the days – as a powerful file to be accessed during days when ‘funny’ questions inevitably come to your / my mind. I will.

I just think that the whole walk that we did together is very meaningful. And don’t forget it was on lovers’ walk. Again, thanks for inviting me along. Our café feliz was shared, not planned that way, but it was shared. Did you realize that?

Kalina

cheers

1 dec 2009

today i went to the cowherds to spend some time with my good friends from uni. i walked from avenue with mariko a little before 7pm. there we met with sonia and callum. later on agota justyna and adalberto arrived and then agota. it was fantastic and i am so glad i did go to this one because i have missed so many events latelly i would not be surprised if people stopped inviting me, but they are all so understanding of my hectic days, as they sort of go through the same situation.

it was started with sonia wanting to see us before she and callum move back to the isle of wight. it is their plan to stay there for a while to organize their life together and save up some money. callum has a house there which is currently rented out for some young guys. he's do some refurbishment in the house to rent it out for a family. i love sonia. she is such a sweet person. and she likes me so much. every time we meet she gives me big hugs. today she asked me so many questions about brazil, about my life, about my job with the justice system, very interesting questions.

callum said his idea of brasil is the one from violent movies. i said to him that the violence from movies such as 'city of god' is part of the story, not the whole story. it is not possible for any country to be, the whole country, one single thing. if brazil were all about slums and violence, it would no really be a charming country. i don't even believe it is possible to have such a large extension of land populated by violence. how can that be? i said to him i believe any generalization is unfair.

it had been a while i didn't see justyna and adalberto. for me it was a great opportunity to see my friends before i go to brazil this sunday. and even better because we met right here at the cowherds, this great pub right close to where i live. we laughed and ate good food (i ate the chargrilled chicken with mushroom tagliatelle) and talked and hugged and wished us all good wishes and promised ourselves to get together for a tea or something when i come back from brazil in the beginning of january. i was really so pleased and light after these almost three hours with good people. this time i didn't have my camera on me. too bad, but the photographs are taken, i am certain, and stamped in my heart. colorful and soothing images of camaraderie.

‘every day is a winding road’

30 nov 2009

We had a particularly tough morning today because the wind was very strong. The rain was no big deal, but insistent. It was a very cold morning, of four degrees only. I walked to Highfield, bought myself a cup of coffee and went to the law building to work. My umbrella was falling apart in harmony with the wind, which blows everything away.

I finished work and stopped by the uni shop to buy blank dvds and an umbrella, now a navy blue one. It was freezing cold and windy outside. I got some money from the cash point by the uni shop and this girl in the queue was shivering of cold. I had no choice but to enter susu building to equip myself: put on scarf, hat, and gloves, this big operation to face the not so unpredictable British weather: yes, it is not going to be so nice, at least not for long.

Well, i ended up getting late for a meeting with Jo. She was going to talk to me about the writing teaching that we do here in the programme. We ended up meeting later on, after 12 o’clock, as I had some ‘emergencies’: I needed to call Dorothy and we talked for a while.

Here is another emergency: I was walking towards my office (after the phone call) when Mariko approached me with such a sad face. It was to tell me that George Blue, our very nice and friendly George Blue, died this past Friday. He had been operated on a few weeks before and, as far as I knew, was recovering really well. According to Rob, it was a triple bypass heart surgery. He was my friend Buk’s supervisor. Buk had told me he was recovering ok, doing short walks, and Buk even visited him in his house one or two weeks ago. I knew he was seeing his students and talking for no longer than a half hour, but that he would be able to be back to work in January in full capacity. Well, the man passed away, apparently while sleeping, but I have no details.

And there I stayed in the corridor, talking with Mariko for a long time, we both in shock for such a sad end for our Blue. She had watery eyes, I could see it. It was interesting, because she insisted in being there with me for this long while in the corridor, as if she needed it, to talk, to share, to express sadness, and maybe – maybe – to understand all this. Mariko invited me to come down to the canteen at 12.30 to have lunch with her and Rob.